There
have been certain times in my life when I felt uncomfortable about my
relationship with Mary. And by Mary I mean the mother of God. I felt that I was
supposed to be close with her, as a Catholic, but I just wasn't sure what that
was supposed to look like.
When
my sister became pregnant with her oldest son my brothers and I decided to pray
a daily rosary for him. We had made a pact of sorts and being in high school I
took it very seriously, though I had very little experience with the rosary.
This was the seed that started my relationship with Mary, though I didn't fully
realize it at the time.
It
began with an admiration for the type of person she was. Whenever I meditated
on the joyful mysteries I was struck by how most of the mysteries weren't
joyful at all at face value: pregnancy out of wedlock, giving birth far away
from home in an uncomfortable barn, the news that "you yourself a sword
will pierce" when presenting your baby in the temple and of course losing
your young child on a journey for THREE days (I took no issue with the
visitation, that always sounded pretty nice to me). Whenever I prayed the
joyful mysteries I found myself contemplating what kind of a woman would find
these events in her life not only not
terrible, but as truly joyful. I was intrigued and felt that she was a
strong woman.
When
I became a mother I had another encounter with Mary, and it continues to be
ongoing. I felt relieved that there was a saint up there who knew the
uncertainty and at times the discomfort that pregnancy could bring. I was grateful
that I could ask for her intercession for the delivery and for motherhood at
large. And today I discover more and more that motherhood draws me closer to my
Heavenly Mother and in turn Mary draws us closer to her Son. Praying the
sorrowful mysteries the first time as a mother with a young, innocent,
vulnerable baby brought me to an overwhelming sense of sorrow that I know only
skimmed the sorrow Mary must have endured. How lucky we are to have her as
Catholics. How lucky I feel to have her as a Mom. Like a good mother she waits
for a deeper relationship with us and when we come to her seeking help she
rushes to our aid.
Mary,
Queen of Heaven, pray for us.
