Lately there are many things in the media speaking about
women’s rights and women’s freedom. In my short lifetime of 24 years there has
always been the controversy around abortion and now we are freshly confronted
with the HHS mandate disputes. Now, even though I am tempted to confront the
issues themselves I am sure there are others who are much more qualified to write
about them and my views can also be found primarily in the truths outlined in
the Catholic Catechism. But I like to stick to what I know and as a young wife
and mother I know what it is to be daunted by the prospect of a not-so-planned pregnancy.
At 21 I got married and a month later we moved to
Italy together. We both had jobs
working on an American campus about 45 minutes outside of Rome. We of course
were open to having a baby at any time but I was also very nervous about having
a baby in Italy. I didn’t know if pregnancy would jeopardize my employment and
I was wary of the Italian healthcare system, being totally ignorant of it.
I remember going to confession shortly after marriage and
telling the priest that I was lacking faith in the Lord with my fear of
pregnancy. I didn’t know if he would think I was a bad Catholic when he heard
this, but instead he looked at me with love and said “I want you to pray to our
mother Mary and pray that she reveals to you the consolations of motherhood”. I thought about that for a long time and today
I still do think of that advice. In prayer I would repeat to myself “the
consolations of motherhood… what is that?” I knew what it felt like to babysit
other children and to dote on them, but I had no idea what having a child of my
own would entail. One of the most terrifying things is the unknown. And at the
time, pregnancy and motherhood seemed very unknown.
We arrived to our new home in Italy in July and we were
presented with a positive pregnancy test in September, the weekend after my 22nd
birthday. Steve and I were so joyful, but I would be lying if I didn’t say we
were also shocked. I didn’t know so many things: what pregnancy would be like,
giving birth, being at the mercy of an Italian hospital, how my boss would take
the news after I was a new hire, and how much the necessary healthcare would
cost—I was overwhelmed with unknowns. But the great thing about being Catholic
and Christian is the complete certainty that the Lord knows. Every little fear
I had, I knew the Lord not only knew intimately but also had a plan for.
The birth went well and we had a perfect, beautiful baby girl
and now all those fears that I had pale in comparison to the greater gift of
life that they surrounded. Now I think of the consolations of motherhood and
instead of drawing a blank so many things come to mind—seeing the actual face
of my child and holding her in my arms for the first time, the joyful exclamation
of “Hi Mama!” I receive every single morning when I walk into Abby’s room, the
unexpected little hug or kiss or smile given when most needed on a bad day. I
also think of the privilege of motherhood and pregnancy and feeling a baby kick
that not all women are blessed with and remind myself to be thankful for it.
These are things not to be treated or prevented like a disease but things to
remain in awe of, that our Lord would trust us with them. I gave up complete
control for the greater gift of joy. To me, there is no right or freedom that
could compare to this gift.
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