I find it
very intriguing that so many people today are having kids with their
significant other or living with them but seem deathly afraid of the commitment
of marriage. I say this because for me the decision to get married, even though
it was a lifelong commitment, was much less daunting than when I first became a
mother. In both our engagement and marriage and the natural steps that followed
of living together and parenthood, I always felt I was freely moving towards
Steve and the ‘next step’, so to speak. I appreciated the ease and security of
that.
I
was in the grocery store the other day and being a rapidly expanding pregnant
woman, with a 2 year old, I was getting many comments on motherhood. Two
different women in separate instances mentioned that they are also expecting a
baby with their boyfriends. These comments really made me wonder. Will my
daughter be in the minority growing up as a child with two married parents? I
was struck by this and left the store mulling over a question: Is there value
in living our lives according to the norms the church lays out? I know people
do things in all sorts of different ways but is there one way that is truly better than
another?
Like any modern day philosopher I turned to Google for some wisdom and
found some relevant answers. To my shock I found the best resource from the
Federal Government (I always hoped my tax dollars would actually come back to
help me someday). There was an incredibly expansive and costly research effort
funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services called the Healthy
Marriage Initiative, in place to strengthen marriages and explore the benefits
of marriage. Now why would the National Government bother spending millions of
dollars to strengthen marriages?
Science
and research give us a pretty extensive answer. Strong, healthy marriages are
good both for the children and the spouses involved and produce more productive
and happier citizens, which while boosting civic moral, also saves money in the
long run in would be criminals, etc. After much time, money and research the
findings were a resounding “yes” that healthy marriages are the best for the
husband, the wife and the kids. Children benefit from healthy marriages in a
number of ways: they are less likely to grow up in poverty, they are emotionally
and physically stronger, they are less likely to become sexually active as
teenagers and contract STDs and so on1.
Of
course nothing in life is perfect or clear cut, but don’t we want to put our
best foot forward to succeed at arguably our most important relationships and
roles in this life? That of being a spouse and a parent. What I am not saying
is that there is no hope for those who are participating in or products of
other lifestyle decisions. But clearly and truly there is a better and best way
to succeed as a spouse and parent. I know what it’s like to be at the brunt of
statistics, being the product of a broken home myself. Do I love and respect my
parents? Of course. By the grace of God I in many ways overcame the sobering
statistics of my situation, but can I say having married parents is better?
Yes! I can say yes because it is good and true and
it doesn't diminish my value or my parents’ value as people. The
church affirms chastity before marriage and the permanence of marriage because
they are the best for our happiness and science and reason back these
assertions.
We
are living in a world where more and more there is a fear and a refusal to
acknowledge that marriage is good and kids are great. Like all truly good and
beautiful things sacrifice is necessary for a strong marriage, especially in
today’s culture of marriage being so often the very last step rather than the
first, but we shouldn’t underestimate the benefits of a solid marriage which
are absolutely joyful and certifiably good.
